A collection of most of Dwight Houston’s greatest moments in Dalton. It all belongs to the amazing CP Coulter.
… This is freakishly long, but all the quotes are vaguely in the order that they appeared.

—- —- —- —- —-
Eyes wide, Dwight fled instantly, bounding away like an antelope, his open blazer flapping behind him like a cape and still taking the book with him.- Episode 2, Warbling

"That Hummel’s been cursed. Cursed, I’m telling you. Back in his old town, he must’ve infuriated some ecto-secreting nightmare and now he’s brought the curse to us. And he’s got like…like…Blaine under his spell." Dwight flailed from under his flimsy black robe. "Under a spell. Like in Jennifer’s Body or something. That was a creepy movie, man.”- Episode 3, Voices

Before he could lead Kurt to sit down, Dwight grabbed his arm and pleaded in a whisper to him, “…please don’t ever make him angry, Blaine. I’m scared. I—I don’t think I can exorcise that.”- Episode 3, Voices

"When Dwight came here, I gave him a Versace belt. He’s currently using its notches as places to hang mini glow-in-the-dark skeletons over his bed."(Reed)- Episode 4, Crossed Swords

"They’re hitting everyone in the hall. Dwight has taken to barricading his door. I don’t know what he’s blocked the door with, but it smells dead."(Kurt)- Episode 5, Cookies

"…I’m eating haunted cookies?" Dwight asked in soft horror from the bay window.- Episode 5, Cookies

Dwight looked at his crystal ball in his hand in disgust. “Man, this thing sucks. It told me we’d lose!”- Episode 6, Duels

Dwight snored. He rolled over again and fell off the beanbag with a loud thud—but kept snoring.- Episode 7, Sectionals

Like clockwork, Dwight opened his eyes to the sound of his alarm clock going on at six AM precisely. Groggy, he shot out a hand from under the covers, groped for the alarm clock and managed to feel its steel frame in his hand. He then proceeded to hurl the offending device into the same wall he had been throwing it at for the last year. There was already a convenient dent there.
Yawning, he got up, dark hair flopping upwards fluffily. He stretched and tried to flatten his hair down, he felt static electricity through it. He paused carefully, considering. It was cold like last circle of Hell in Windsor this morning, darker than usual too. And now the static in his hair.
While others may have deduced that it was a normal winter phenomena, Dwight Houston was far too experienced a hunter for that. He immediately pulled out a bagful of holy-water-dampened rock salt blessed with all the right incantations. He cast a narrow-eyed look of suspicious alertness throughout the room.
In a single bound, he sprang off the bed and launched into the air. He landed with both feet onto a salt-lined perimeter placed at the precise spot he always landed on, rolled, and raced into the bathroom, slamming it shut, inwardly praising himself for his excellence in avoiding the malignant specters yet again.
Gonna have to do better than that to capture Dwight Houston! he mentally crowed before leaping into the bath.
His roommate merely continued to sleep—used to this daily occurrence.
Later, Dwight was fully dressed in school uniform, still proud of himself. The hair couldn’t be helped, it was still fluffed up. He jogged downstairs, carrying his school satchel and his black coat, ready to face the day’s educational fray while remaining vigilant about every single sign of unusual spiritual activity within their ancient school.
He took pride in the fact that he woke earlier than most of Windsor, and that with this careful vigilance, he would be able to properly protect his Windsor brothers as the one defender against mortals and all of demonkind.
Yep…I am bad ass.- Episode 8, Temperature

Dwight blanched, automatically clutching his talisman. “…I’m not very edible; I’m all skin and bones like my mother keeps telling me, just FYI.”- Episode 8, Temperature

"I have to go," Dwight said seriously, in the tone of a warrior on a noble cause. "I mean, it’s scary as hell and I’m totally about to wet my pants as we speak, but if I can’t let whatever it is take the campus! It’s what the Winchesters would’ve done!" And with a dramatic flounce of his coat, he ran down the hall.- Episode 10, Answers

When Dwight—after being misled by many many clues that had been left for him around campus by Wes, David and the Twins (it was supposedly an “ancient puzzle” that unlocks secrets within school)—finally managed to get back to the house, he looked furious.
"Happy Birthday, Dwight!" the entire group yelled as the draggled spiritualist walked in. The entire house was frankly terrifying—it looked like something out of Silent Hill all right, with the twins sparing no expense. Dwight stood, staring with wide eyes and looking shell shocked.
"What…the…hell…" he gaped.
The Windsor boys scooped him up and started tossing him around the crowd. “Give him to Pyramid Head!” some of the boys started yelling. And the celebrant, who was both happy and horrified, was yelling as they led him near the giant animatronic monster.- Episode 10, Answers

After a moment of fervent praying, Dwight went running towards the alley. Now or never, chickenheart! he told himself.
Karofsky whirled around to find an unnervingly pale, skinny boy with messy black hair rushing at him wielding a flashlight and what appeared to be a water sprayer. He looked badly scared but he aimed the sprayer at him. “Get away from him!”
"Dwight?" Kurt stared.
"Kurt! You all right, man?" he held up the sprayer like a gun to Karofsky. "Did he—did he hurt you?"
"You’ve got to be kidding me," Karofsky glowered at the boy who looked as though he could be broken like a stick. He took one step towards him and Dwight started yelling in panic, giving him two sprays—which did no good—and throwing rock salt—which also did no good. But he ran around Karofsky until he was right up next to Kurt and he aimed the sprayer again to the heavyset boy.
"Get away from my friend you—demon!" Dwight yelled, the last word having the least conviction.
"Is everyone in here insane?” Karofsky demanded to no one in particular.
Dwight actually answered, “Yes! I mean, no—not everyone. I’m sane. At least.”
Kurt was definitely sure he was having a hallucination now. Either of two things could happen: he could wake up, or he and Dwight were about to be beaten to dust.
Dwight shifted his feet, tense, “weapons” still aimed. “The others are on their way. They’ll be here in a minute—and they’re all going to kick your ass!”
Of that, Kurt had no doubts. But it wasn’t what he wanted. He moved Dwight aside a moment and stepped forward. “Leave,” he told Karofsky.
The other boy’s eyes narrowed. Kurt continued in a low, shaking tone. “You’ve been expelled once. You break into a private school—I don’t think they’ll be letting you off with a slap on the wrist. Get out of here before the others come.”
Karofsky hesitated onto for a moment, looking at him with suspicion. But it only lasted for a moment. He “lunged” at Dwight—who fled behind Kurt but still had the sprayer aimed—and stepped back from the alley. With a last long look at Kurt, he turned and vanished out of sight.
The two boys stood until the sound of his footfalls faded.
"Oh thank Castiel." Dwight looked like he was about to faint in relief. He slumped against the wall as Kurt did the same next to him. Both slid to the ground, devoid of any energy. "I can’t believe we lived."
Kurt looked and smiled faintly at Dwight, though his hands were still shaking uncontrollably. He gave his friend a quick, tight hug and a heavy pat on the back. “Thanks, Dwight. You’re my hero.”
"Yeah…" Dwight looked awkward, flustered at the uncommon action. "You’re welcome, but uh…could you not tell Blaine and Logan that you hugged me? ‘Cause, they’re really…aggro…? And I don’t want them to think that I’m making the moves on you, because there is just no way… Not that—not that you’re terrible!” he quickly added, flailing. “You’re a great guy—person— But I don’t like you. I mean, I like you, but not like you that way. Because I like girls. If…there were actually any girls interested, I mean—I mean there haven’t been much, like, ever, but—”
"You can stop talking."
"Oh." Dwight fell quiet.- Episode 11, Boundaries

"Oh shut up, Kurt, you know I don’t care about my birthday," Dwight said irritably, though he looked happy at the attention. "You can’t help it that you’re cursed and as a hunter my job is to suppress any side effects of that." He sighed, smiling at his weapon. "Besides. I got to be the hero."
After that statement, the perfect mix of awkward, reassurance and insanity that only Dwight could achieve, no one actually had anything to say.- Episode 11, Boundaries

"Maybe Logan’s kind of like an STD that really doesn’t go away even after you’re supposedly "cured"…" Dwight said, earning himself the most awkward statement of the table yet.- Episode 12, Cheer

He threw up his arms. “I want to go out into the open road! Saving people, hunting things! I want to be something more than Dwight Houston, theme park-owner-to-be! I don’t even get to go on the rides anytime I want!”- Episode 13, The Wild One

Dwight, who had just peered in backstage, now frowned. “I’m sorry, did I just step into a teen movie?”- Episode 13, The Wild One

Dwight, carrying a massive rucksack full of “weapons” and ingredients, came down the hall. He said to Reed, “Shane’s waiting for you downstairs, trying to get people to get you to talk to him. I swear to Castiel, he’s morphosed into some kind of sex demon and it’s not boding well for the team when it’s working even for me.”- Episode 13, The Wild One

"A 1967 Chevy Impala. Why am I not surprised…?"
Dwight’s ears turned red. “I like them vintage!”
"Sure, you bought it because it was vintage…" Wes rolled his eyes as he got in.
"I didn’t buy it—my uncle gave it to me for Christmas." He added in a mutter, "At my request, maybe…but still…"
It was a tight fit: Wes, the twins and Kurt sat at the back, David called shotgun before he and Wes even stepped out of the house. Dwight adjusted and looked at the rearview mirror and said, “I don’t think I need to tell you, if any of you so much as damage an inch of the leather, I will literally set you on righteous fire. And I’m good at setting things on fire!”
"To the airfield now, please?" Evan said patiently.
"Before we set you on righteous fire?" Ethan added with a smile.
"Fine, but I’m the pilot of this clown car—I’ll be boss until we get to the airfield." He flipped a switch, and music started to blast from the speakers. Everybody else in the car groaned as, predictably, "Highway to Hell" started playing.
Dwight, clearly in the zone again, ignored them all and began driving.- Episode 14, Bad Things

"You guys go ahead!" Dwight called, jittery while on the bottom of the steps. "They’re unloading my car! I don’t want to get in yours—it doesn’t have the proper protective countermeasures against my enemies!"- Episode 14, Bad Things

"So on a scale of one to ten," Dwight began, mouth full of popcorn, "How screwed do you think the Warblers are?"- Episode 16, 3…2…1…

Dwight calmly turned to the room, jell-o dripping from his face. “David,” he said in an unbelievably composed tone. “Might you hand me that thing next to you?”
David turned to the bedside table. As was customary for every Windsor who particularly valued sanity, they kept a Nerf gun nearby in case of Tweedle Attack.
Sighing, David handed it to Dwight. “Thank you,” Dwight said. And then he opened the door and charged into the fray, yelling across the house as he fired. “Bring it on, Tweedles! Say your prayers!”-Episode 16, 3…2…1…

"Shane’s in his room, getting ready to book town. Reed’s in his room mumbling entire monologues incoherently to himself while buried under a pillow." Dwight blinked. "I think he’s possessed. I tried to sprinkle holy water on him, but he just threw a pillow at me and told me to go away. I left a ring of rock salt around his bed just in case, so he doesn’t escape."- Episode 16, 3…2…1…

"Yeah, well it’s not over yet," Dwight shot back. "When we get back to school, it’s back to the old routine. New Year or not, I’m going to line my damn door in salt and you psychos can do whatever it is you want."
"You’re one of us psychos, Dwight," David remarked.
"I assure you, compared to you people, I’m perfectly sane."
"I cannot wait for the day we see your psychiatric report."-Episode 16, 3…2…1…

"Maybe if I go back to the source, I can somehow break the curse on Kurt!" Dwight said with that manic gleam in his eye. "If I go with you to Lima, I can finally end the curse and there’d be everlasting peace in Windsor!"- Episode 17, Explorers

"Why—" Dwight popped up from the plants that separated the booth from the one next to it, making Rachel and Quinn jump, "—are you three girls always dressed in those outfits every time we see you?" he demanded to the Cheerios.
All of the assembled gave Dwight a look that questioned his sanity. Dwight gave them an equally narrow-eyed look. “Do those uniforms have something in connection to Kurt’s curse, seeing as how he wore it during the game too? Is this some weird cheerleader cult? Because I’ve seen all the references towards spirit stick worship and I must say that it’s highly suspect.”- Episode 17, Explorers

Dwight, peering from his salt-lined doorway, lifted the sprayer slightly. “…I sense evil again.”- Episode 18, Jumping Hurdles

After taking Kurt through an exam coverage that had absolutely nothing to do with mythology and American History, and more of why protection symbols should be tattooed onto the skin, the Windsor triad bundled Dwight out of the room and told him to go “purify” something and keep busy.- Episode 18, Jumping Hurdles

They made sure Blaine was out of the way by convincing Dwight to get the acting prefect out of the House for a short while. While Kurt was in Windsor, such a task proved to be a challenge, but Dwight rose to the occasion by taking some bright red paint and painting a huge enchanted sigil onto Blaine’s windshield, claiming that he was purifying it from demons.- Episode 18, Jumping Hurdles

"But I don’t know the guy!" Dwight protested, glancing at the ticking clock, knowing that time was crucial. "I don’t have anything of his!"
With extreme patience, Aimee carefully spelled it out for him. “You mentioned being in a dorm with his brother…?”
"Yeah…" it clicked. Dwight blinked. "Oh! …you think I should get Blaine’s blood?"
"Why does there have to be blood?” Aimee demanded incredulously. “Get a photo, a shirt of his, something!”- Episode 19, Paint

Reed closed the door, sat next to Dwight and put his arms on the table, peering at the map with glassy brown eyes, eyelashes still wet. “…what are you doing?”
Dwight was still carefully moving the crystal pendulum over the map. His eyes bore evidence of someone who had not stopped doing this for at least six hours. “…looking for Shane…”
"With…a necklace?" Reed asked.
"Pendulum," Dwight retorted, concentrating harder.
Reed watched the rather pretty crystal swing over the map. “…Pretty sure I saw this in a rerun of Charmed. You know they say this isn’t how it actually works?”
"Shh!" Dwight mumbled. "I found Alan this way, I’ll find Shane this way. And I’m not going to stop until I do."
"Who’s Alan?" Reed asked.
"…my kid brother."
"Oh…" Reed was too numbed by the hour to have a real reaction. He buried his head in his arms with a sigh. He didn’t know what happened after that, but he must have fallen asleep on the table. When he woke up, Dwight was still doing what he was doing, but there was a blanket around his shoulders.- Episode 19, Paint

"I’m not going to class," Dwight declared. "I have searching to do." And he swirled off again, returning to his room. He did say he wasn’t giving up, and the Windsors, who could do no more than wait and prevail upon their parents to put more pressure on the search, almost envied his conviction.- Episode 19, Paint

"I found Shane!" Dwight gasped. "I did it—I found him!" He grabbed the walkie-talkie from the table, nearly tripping over a beanbag chair as he did. "Han! Han, come in! Can you hear me?"
The whine of feedback from upstairs made the recluse wince, tear off his earpiece, and glare daggers at the impertinent voice coming from it. “Yes,” he said in an ingratiatingly polite voice. “I can hear you extremely well.”
"I found Shane! See? I did it! Can you see me, you crazy omniscient net-addict?" Dwight was jumping up and down on the couch, flailing the map around to where presumably Han had a camera- Episode 19, Paint

Dwight lay on his bed, hugging a picture frame to his chest. It was one of himself, when he was thirteen, flushed with life and happiness, hugging a small boy of seven, carrying him—a boy who looked like him, but infinitely happier, with bright eyes that laughed. The both of them were wearing wizard cloaks and waving wands. There were identical crystal pendulums around their necks.
The silver writing on the photo said, me and Alan, Halloween.
Dwight closed his eyes and let the tears run down the side of his head, clutching the frame tightly, and the pendulum that wasn’t even his.
"I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I should have tried harder, Alan… I’m so sorry… I’m making it up to you, I promise…"- Episode 19, Paint

As Shane entered the hall and headed for the stairs, Dwight emerged from the kitchen with a cup of coffee and saw him. Shane caught his eye and he grinned at him with a nod before continuing up the steps. Dwight dropped the mug with a crash, eyes wide and mouth open. He fell back onto the wall, clutching the pendulum to his chest and he slid down onto the floor.
As Wes and David stared at him, perplexed at his incredible reaction, Dwight pulled his knees to his chest and burst into tears.- Episode 19, Paint

"Is there anyone else in Windsor who can be at the bottom of some physical injury within three seconds of waking up…?" Dwight mumbled.
David gestured to the Twins, but Dwight just rolled his eyes. “I meant actual humans, not demon spawn.”- Episode 20, Double Acts

Kurt jumped a little when a little paper ninja star fell onto his desk in perfect precision. He picked it up, glanced behind him and saw Dwight staring wide-eyed at him. Kurt sighed and opened, with some difficulty, the ninja star.
What happened? Pass/Fail?
Kurt found it amusing that the paper was torn out of a sheet that had a doodle of some kind of map with “Wendigo Woods” written at the side. But he scribbled in his answer in, balled the paper, and threw it back at him. The paper ball bounced off Dwight’s head and he tried to catch it—but he fell with a clatter onto the floor.
He popped up immediately, “I’m fine! I just fell.” And he sat down again. Everyone glanced back at him only once before continuing what they were doing. It was Dwight, after all—nothing was weird anymore.- Episode 20, Double Acts

They ignored the usual sound of the blaring television in Dwight’s room; he was probably on another marathon—which was often disturbing to hear seeing as how he could quote nearly every episode in Season One word for word.- Episode 20, Double Acts

"Such a warm hospitable environment…" Dwight said with a grimace as he sat down at the kitchen. It was hard to find utensils now that Drew’s lab equipment was there. Dwight must’ve picked up four different lab tools before he found an actual spoon.- Episode 21, Mismatched

—and Dwight materialized, nearly giving him a heart-attack. “Hey Kurt!” he said, looking breathless and as rumpled as usual.
Kurt, clutching his chest, glared at him. “What is it, Ambush-Kurt-Day?”
"I need one of your scarves," Dwight said immediately, seemingly unperturbed.
"Scarf. Now. Please?"
Kurt gave him an incredulous stare even as he took his Hermes scarf from inside his satchel. “All right, I don’t even think I want to know…”
"Thank you, I assure you, this is meant for the betterment of Windsor."
Dwight sounded so disturbingly sure that Kurt narrowed his eyes as he handed it over. “I expect to get this back in perfect condition.”
"What? Why? You have like five—I know, I gave them to you for Christmas."- Episode 21, Mismatched

Dwight rose slowly from behind the sofa like a predator, holding a net and eyes trained intently upon the bird even as Charlie had now already begun to talk again and everyone was supposed to be paying attention to whatever it was he was saying.- Episode 21, Mismatched

"Get him—go, go!" Blaine pushed Dwight forward. Dwight was off running, chasing the bird before it could get towards the doorway, swinging his bat like a baseball player.
Wes got up from where he had tripped, grabbing his broom and swatting upward. He and Dwight collided, both sent sprawling. Pavarotti swooped out of the common room, chirping as he rose upwards to the foyer.
"That’s it!" Dwight gasped. He scrambled to get up and grabbed Wes’ broom. "Give me that!" And he ran out of the room.- Episode 21, Mismatched

"All right, quiet!" Howard frowned. "Now you’re all lucky that no one was hurt this time. I don’t want to hear any more of you setting fire to anything while indoors, even if it is in the kitchen! We banned flambé years ago!"
A pause.
"How about outdoors, though?" Dwight asked after consideration.
"Dwight!"- Episode 21, Mismatched

They entered Windsor to find Dwight in the foyer, his back facing them. He turned to look at them and his face split into the biggest, smug smile they’d ever seen from him. “Ah. Just in time. Behold, my spectacular achievement.” He turned fully to them, and when they saw what he had in his hands, Kurt and Reed dropped their paint cans in shock.
It was the gold cage. And inside, was Pavarotti.- Episode 22, Fallout

Reed laughed at the sophomore, following. “Thanks, Dwight. We owe you big time.”
"You owe me each time you wake up un-possessed by demons and un-mauled by undead."
Reed stared. “Uh…how about a cookie?”
Dwight held himself down with great effort for a full minute. “Yeah, okay.”- Epiosde 22, Fallout

He stopped and glanced back at Reed, looking supremely awkward as he glanced over Kurt. “Is…he going to be okay? Because… this is a lot of bad vibe and I’m not comfortable existing in this kind of atmosphere. The negativity attracts all sorts of malignant—”
Reed gave him a look. Dwight rolled his eyes and sighed again. “Fine. I’m worried, is that what you want to hear? I’m worried about him and Blaine and their torrid love affair and their screaming, and the fights in the hall and the cafeteria, and the almost-expulsion and most of all, I’m worried they’ll break up permanently because of the exact same demonspawn that ruined it all last year!”- Episode 22, Fallout

Dwight poked his head out blearily, looking annoyed and very armed with his wood and silver weapon. “I’m sorry to interrupt your charming soiree at such a blessed hour of the night, but I’m this close to shooting him down with my crossbow. Blaine, please tell me that this is, in fact, Shane and not some creature of the abyss sent to keep me from my regular sleeping habits and dull my keen hunting senses?”- Episode 23, Showdown

No, that House in general has vindictive occupants,” Dwight said coolly. “Han told me that the Stuarts have called Blaine and Kurt off to their respective duties before they could properly talk. Honestly, I’ve tried to exorcise that House from its caffeinated regime of terror, but it appears I’ll need a hunter army to take down evil of that level.”- Episode 23, Showdown

Dwight had already finished salting the sanity out of the room and was once again holed up in his own dorm room.- Episode 24, Unforgettable

"And whatever you do, don’t—!"
"It’s been defiled!” came a hysterical howl from upstairs as Kurt cried, “Why are there even fifteen containers of this stuff in the hall?”
"…touch Dwight’s salt shipment…" Charlie finished lamely before trying to rein in the Twins as a volley of paintballs rattled the common room.- Episode 25, Warning Signs

"Thomas Dwight Houston," the boy bristled as his butler continued to dump stuff around him, completely unperturbed by his charge’s behavior. "If you call me Thomas or any variation thereof, I swear I will get my crossbow out."- Episode 25, Warning Signs

What’s wrong, new guy?” the towering Twins asked, smiling down at him and clearly unafraid of the water sprayer aimed at them. “What are you so scared of?”
The response was automatic. “This place is completely unprotected against any and all malignant beings alive, dead or undead. I can’t be too careful especially in an ancient prep school.”
The boys stared.
"You came prepared, huh?" the Twins were more amused now.
Dwight narrowed his eyes and kicked one of his trunks open. The boys around him took another wide-eyed step back at first, and then moved a little closer to inspect the collection of weapons and instruments that the trunk contained. They weren’t guns—they were arrows, spikes, crystals, bottles with questionable contents and even an actual sword and shield (but the blade wasn’t sharp and the shield was a miniature), encrusted with runes and rust.- Episode 25, Warning Signs

"Would you like to see our collection of weaponry?" the Twins asked politely, hands behind their backs, holding nerf guns.
Dwight slowly lowered his sprayer a fraction. “You…have weaponry…?”
As mayhem erupted in Windsor House once the Twins officially started attacking the newbie—who was currently running around the second floor screaming his lungs out and flinging salt and holy water everywhere, other Windsors ducking for cover…- Episode 25, Warning Signs

"I haven’t pulled anything! All that I do is for the safety of the people in this house—I am the reason all of you are not angering malignant supernatural entities left and right here—!" Dwight protested as all the other boys just groaned and threw pillows at him.- Episode 26, Hell Night

When it repeated, he stopped and looked around curiously. There was no sign of anyone in this particular path but him. Blinking, he looked upward. “God?”- Episode 26, Hell Night

Dwight rose now and brushed himself off importantly. “Well? Aside from his guy’s apparent fascination with flowers, what exactly is wrong with him?”
"I just…" Laura crossed her arms over her chest and grumbled. "It’s the way he sneaks around everyone all the time. I heard from the other Hanovers that he doesn’t want anyone coming near his room—"
"So he’s private. So am I."
"—and then all those roses—"
"With that argument, he might as well be Charlie and his gardening hobby."
"—I don’t like him—"
"Well I’m not exactly fond of you either."
"—I don’t trust him—"
"I definitely do not trust you."- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 1)

‘Julian is in love with Logan who’s in love with Kurt who’s in love with Blaine?’- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 1)

And, of course, there Dwight was, under the mistaken impression that no one would see, hear, or really be bothered enough to look—as he rocked out to it while lip-synching the song.
The Twins watched in puzzled amusement as Dwight cut loose on his bed, grooving exuberantly to the music and playing air guitar with his leg like the best of them.- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 2)

"Don’t you ever watch horror movies?" Dwight hissed as they went up the stairs. "The person who does that kind of thing gets stabbed."- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 2)

Wes brightened immediately. “Hey, your mom decided to come?”
"Yes!" Dwight nearly screamed at him. "Do you know what she would do to me? Do you know what she would do my salt?”- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 3)

"Thomas! Where do you think you’re going?"
"Do not call me that!" Dwight screamed back as he ran. "I’ll meet you back in the hall! I’ll be back, I just have to do something really quick!"
"Tommy!" his nanny gasped.
"Especially that!"- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 3)

Dwight’s emotions tried to pronounce themselves all at the same time—jubilation that he was right (“I was actually right for once!”), horror at the spectacle (“did he glue those photos with that…stuff?”), and finally, complete and utter alarm (“This guy is well beyond crazy and dangerous!”).
He ended up with a very stricken, “…damn.”- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 3)

Onstage, a single old-fashioned mic on a stand was half-hidden, gleaming. Puzzled, everyone stared.
And then the lights all came on, trained to a lone form wearing a Dalton uniform, blazer open, tie loose and hand on a black fedora hat tilted down on his head as he leaned the mic over.
It was Dwight.
Without waiting, he jumped to action and began to sing with all shameless showmanship as he swirled around onstage in rapid dance, taking the mic with him.

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman

From that moment, you’ll be out of place and under dressed—

I’m wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it

Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and—

Dwight ripped the mic off the stand and leapt off the stage—the parents gasped as he landed onto the floor, still with eyes on them all and singing, making those rapid dance moves—

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman

From that moment, you’ll be out of place and under dressed—

I’m wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it—

Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and—

With the entire hall’s horror-stricken eyes on him, some of the ladies at the table cried out in fright as Dwight made a single bound and landed on top of a neatly-decorated dinner table with a bang, silverware clanking as his feet landed and he struck a pose while singing—

When you’re in black slacks with accentuating

Off-white, pinstripes, woah-oh—

Everything goes according to plan—

Dwight jumped onto an empty chair, flipping it right over as he slammed it down into the ground amidst shrieks as he ran, singing at the top of his lungs—

I’m the new cancer

Never looked better, you can’t stand it—

Because you say so under your breath

Your reading lips, “When did he get all confident?”

Haven’t you heard that I’m the new cancer?

Never looked better and you can’t stand it—

By now the teachers were after him. Dwight was grinning madly, exhilarated by his own bravado as he leapt out of Murdoch’s reach and ducked under one of the tables to get out on the other side, still running amidst the tables.
From the windows of the main entrance doors, the Warblers were staring in complete amazement at their schoolmate who was no literally causing bedlam amidst the entire program.
"Holy—" Wes burst out in aghast delight. "Go Dwight!"
"Run, dude!" David burst out laughing.
Dwight laughed as he evaded Mrs. Abernathy and jumped behind one of the buffet tables.

Next is a trip to the—the ladies room in vain and

I bet you just can’t keep up with—with these fashionistas and

Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign

I bet to them, your name is “Cheap”

I bet to them you look like sh—

The male teachers were definitely trying to chase him now and Dwight jumped onto a chair and was now literally running down the long buffet table, hopping and dancing madly over the dinner trays as he tried to duck them.

Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears

And keep telling yourself that, “I’m a diva!”

Dwight slipped and fell off the side near the ice sculpture and seemed to disappear when the teachers reached that spot, but the boy popped up amidst one of the tables with the parents on it, one of the dads there reaching for a cigarette. Dwight grinned and pointed casually.

Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box

On the table, they just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin—

The parents there froze, aghast. Dwight leapt away just as Mr. Newman tried to grab a hold of him and he went running down the middle berth of the tables in the hall. He saw his mother looking on, pure horror on her face while Ramsey looked livid, telling him to get the hell out of the hall.
Ah well. Too late to turn back.

I’m the new cancer

Never looked better, you can’t stand it

Because you say so under your breath

You’re reading lips, “When did he get all confident?”

Haven’t you heard that I’m the new cancer?

Never looked better and you can’t stand it—

The teachers finally seemed to have backed him into the corner and they clearly think that he’s having some kind of psychological episode and were slowly trying to get a hold of him—Dwight stared at them all with a glint of challenge in his eyes, grinning as he held the microphone.
The Warblers stared in horror, thinking that their schoolmate was done for now—

Haven’t you heard that I’m the new cancer?

I’ve never looked better and you can’t stand it—

Haven’t you heard that I’m the new cancer?

I’ve never looked better and you can’t stand it—

"Go, Dwight, go!" Bailey yelled from the catwalk over the stage from where he was finished rigging the sound.
Dwight leapt back and jumped onto the stepladder left behind by the decorating committee. He climbed it up rapidly, nearly to the top, grabbed one of the cloth drapes over him and swung like Tarzan over their heads as the cloth tore from the top, sending parents screaming.

And I know and I know, it just doesn’t feel like

A night out with no one sizing you up

I’ve never been so surreptitious

So, of course, I’ll be distracted when I spike the punch!

He landed with a ninja roll onto the hardwood floor of the hall and was racing for the back entrance. The Warblers threw the door open immediately to make room.
Dwight flipped away the cloth off towards the teachers chasing him and he was running, free as a bird—

And I know and I know, it just doesn’t feel like

A night out with no one sizing you up

I’ve never been so surreptitious

So, of course, I’ll be distracted when I spike the punch!

He threw the mic back and made a huge slide like a baseball player going for homebase, sliding all the way out of the doors—which swung closed behind him with an echoing bang as the music ended.- Episode 26, Hell Night (Part 3)

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